READ PART 1 FOR CONTEXT

Victims are ultimately abusers.  Abusers come from families where they were helpless to prevent the neglect or cruelty that happened to them and around them.  Having been victims then, they were simultaneously powerful and powerless.  Powerless because they could not stop what was going on around them, powerful because they blamed themselves for what was happening.

At some point they determined to gain and maintain the power in all their relationships. They use financial deprivation, foul and offensive words,  emotional blackmail, fists or blunt objects.

The paradox of a victim’s irresponsibility is the feelings of failure, guilt and shame that are part of every victim’s life.  They try to keep their prey subjective to their whims.  Victims want you to fill up the empty hole that is inside of them.  People who are abusive one minute and  nice the next minute are the most difficult to deal with.  Because you are constantly confused by their behavior, their spouses and children walk on egg shells most of the time.  The confusion is part of the plan.  Do not be fooled by the nice-ness.

Ask a victim what he is up to and he will blast you with how he has been hurt, insulted, snubbed or in some way affronted.   Ask him how he feels and he will tell you about all his aches and pains and how the world defecates all over him, he does not want to hear your tales of woe.  He just wants you to hear his.   The victim feels as though the world owes him.  He will complain about his wife/girlfriend, complain about his boss, complain about his neighbors, do work he never gets paid for, and loan money he never gets back.   Some big-hearted people fall for the victim’s tales and try to help.  Big mistake.  He doesn’t want help, he wants sympathy and attention. 

Victims are lacking a fundamental wholesomeness that comes from being cared for and valued as children. When he or she behaves abusively, there will be a million excuses for this behavior.  All of the excuses are designed to make you feel as sorry for them as they feel for themselves.  Their persona says Please notice how wretched and miserable I am.   Victims can be angry and pathetic persons.  At the core of a victim is huge self-loathing and a feeling of entitlement. The best thing you can do for a victim is call him on his behavior.  If this puts you in danger,  don’t say anything,  just find a safe place to go.

Victims grew up learning that only way to get their needs met is by being sneaky, extremely self-sufficient and manipulative.  They have been abused or neglected as children or raised by parents who were victims and thus learned by seeing the example in front of them. Being abused by a parent or sibling or watching a seemingly weak parent be openly abused teaches a victim how to act helpless.  Helplessness breeds self-pity and blaming.
     Victims feel like something is missing inside of them and they learn to lie and to use seduction and guilt in an attempt to find the missing elements in their lives. You can tell when you are in the presence of a victim because they never forget a slight and will bring  up the same incident year after year and seem to want an apology every time.   They believe they are being mistreated by friends or family members, employers, or neighbors; they seek reasons to feel bad, they look for injustice.  They set themselves up to be a target for people who will take advantage of them.

     Ask a victim what he is up to and he will blast you with how he has been hurt, insulted, snubbed or in some way affronted.   Ask him how he feels and he will tell you about all his aches and pains and how the world defecates all over him, he does not want to hear your tales of woe.  He just wants you to hear his.   The victim feels like the world owes him.  He will complain about his wife/girlfriend, complain about his boss, complain about his neighbors, do work he never gets paid for, and loan money he never gets back.
     Some big-hearted people fall for the victim’s tales and try to help.  Big mistake.  He doesn’t want help, he wants sympathy and attention.  Victims often find themselves without friends and being avoided by family because those who know them get turned off by their constant tales of woe.
     The behaviors of victims have some of the following characteristics however, not all of them have all of the qualities listed.  Victims:

- Do not inspire trust from others, because they have few boundaries, and will tell too many personal details about themselves or others.

- Indulge in persistent negativity.

- Are lacking in honesty.

- Are unwilling to learn new things or take risks.

- Take almost no responsibility for their behavior.

- Will make up stories that make them sound or look good.

- Live in fear that others will take advantage of them.

- Have very little self-respect on the inside.

- Assume that other people are out to get them.

- Have a constant poor me attitude.

- Live in fear of failure so continually twist the truth to make themselves look good.